Category Archives: manny ramirez

Scientific Breakthrough!!

Monkey teaches Red Sux fan sign language! Until now, Red Sux fans have not been unable to demonstrate the brain function necessary for basic communication until the age of 12, but after months of isolated interaction with a reeses monkey, a six year old Sux fan has responded to a request to take his first bath. -Lou Score


Red Sux fans put the ASS in CLASS…

Today, as I listened to the incoherent Yankee-hating rant left by my boss on company voice mail, I cannot say that I was surprised. The inferiority complex that reeks through every word from a Red Sux fan, having been built up over decades of losing, only compares to the penis envy felt by a post-op tranny after realizing he/she made a really bad mistake. Since Boston has achieved a modicum of success, listening to a Red Sux fan wax poetic about the sport of baseball is like being lectured about making money by a trailer park resident who won the lottery. I would offer some advice to this group, but it would just be forgotten when they wake up from their daily alcoholic black out… -Lou Score


This rare display of excitement is a far cry from how Mannie Ramirez normally composes himself while playing in left field, where he is known to be much more calm and collected. Never getting too anxious when a ball is hit in his direction, or at least not enough to exceed a light jog. This gentleman of the sport is truly refined, setting an example for children and men alike. – Lou Score

John Kruk questioned about past steroid use and tells investigators, "Seriously? I mean really?"

He swung a mean bat, had deceptive speed, gave his all for the team, had probably the best mullet in baseball and always came through in the clutch. More than anything, though, it’s just that he’s so NORMAL. He looks like he worked at Cole Muffler down the road and is the guy drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon in the neighborhood bar. As he himself said, when admonished for being a professional athlete and yet smoking, “I ain’t an athlete, lady, I’m a baseball player.”

John Kruk is the latest name to be thrown around in the steroid saga and smartly denies ever using the performance enhancers. “Seriously? I mean really? Do you see what I look like? I am John Daly in a baseball uniform,” Kruk stated on a radio show in Philadelphia. The mullet man from the City of Brotherly Love is the newest addition to the steroid addition of major league baseball. Could you imagine Kruk on Roids? He would be SuperKruk with flowing locks a rock hard beer gut and the ability to be nimble enough to play in MLB.

And….Did I mention that mullet? Probably the best baseball mullet ever for my liking. Randy Johnson could also have a claim to that as well. His mullet would be the ballz with roids. His mulletude would surely have made a pitch for Cooperstown.

But, Krukmeister always has a word to say about the current state of the Union concerning steroids in baseball……….

But you can’t prove that they took anything! Just because you have ’em doesn’t mean you took ’em. Now, common sense tells you if you’re purchasing them you’re probably going to use ’em also, but — if there’s no drug test, no failed drug test, how can you suspend anyone by hearsay? I mean, that’s like arresting someone at 12 o’clock in the afternoon, saying, “About a week ago, you had a couple drinks and you were driving, so we’re going to arrest you now.” You can’t do it unless you prove it.

Good points Kruk…Oh well, we will just have to wait and see where the Man with the Mullet takes us next? Hopefully to Darren Daulton’s cookout next Saturday!