Cusescoops- Former SU Basketball player Billy Celuk is back in town this weekend to participate in T%ts for Tots, a holiday charity benefit taking place at Lookers Adult Entertainment Club located on North Salina street in Syracuse.
According to Celuk, who averaged 1.3 ppg and 2.3 rebounds per game in his 3 year career with the Orange, “the kids really benefit from this fundraiser. We are able to donate .50 cents per every dollar put in one of the gals G-strings.” Lexus, a dancer at lookers said that she is “likes children to have a wonderful holiday season, and whatever she can do, including some behind the curtain activities, she will accomodate.”
Upon Return, Jesus Taken For Pussy Liberal
By Lee Camp-of the Big Fib
MACON, GA – Jesus Christ made his grand return Friday but apparently has been taken for a “pussy commie liberal” by most of the townspeople he’s encountered.
Jesus told reporters that all weekend he wandered around town trying to help those in need of salvation however he was told by countless citizens to “cut [his] f**kin’ hair,” or “put on some real man’s clothes.” He was reportedly called everything from a “pinko latte-sipping liberal peace-freak” to a “queer ball-less God-hating elitist fairy.”
When Jesus told one man that the man’s Hummer was not good for the environment and contributing to war waged for oil, the man accused him of being a troop-hating terrorist. Mary Spurns, 43, claimed Jesus was an illegal immigrant who was trying to take her job. Even though the Lord’s child said he had no interest in Spurns’ position as a cashier at the Fashion Bug, the woman still alerted the authorities who soon learned Christ had no identification cards and was therefore in the country illegally.
If Jesus does not reveal his country of origin in the coming days, authorities have said he will likely be shipped to Guantanamo Bay with no right to council or habeas corpus. He will be tortured extensively and then shipped to Egypt for more creative forms of torture. Before a black bag was placed over his head, Jesus said, “I kind of wish I had come back in a different country or perhaps a few years in the future. This was a poor choice.”
David Beckham’s Hung Like a Tractor from our friends at Anorak
SAYS Victoria Beckham: “I’m proud I still have a really good sex life with David. He is very much in proportion.”
In proportion to what is unspecified – his talent, his fame, his brand, his wife? Says Vicky, in the Sun: “He does have a huge one, though. He does. You can see it in the advert. It is all his.”
The advert is the one debated earlier in the week. And in truth, you cannot tell what is and is not Beckham’s; even the underpants that cover Little Becks carry the name tag “Armani”.
But this is talk of Beckham’s genitals is not all that pleasant. Many did look at the picture of Beckham in his Y-fronts and think “penis” or some word to that affect, but it is something best left alone.
Says Her Poshness, poshly: “It is like a tractor exhaust pipe!” Covered in mud and spewing out noxious substances? Who would want to get into bed with the outflow pipe from a piece of farm machinery? And since when did Her Poshenss become au fait with farms – has she been consorting with Rebecca Loos, pig tosser of repute?
Vicky continues: “I love sex. It is very important. I don’t need to take my whip home. I already have one there.”
Well, if he won’t come willingly…
I miss Twisted Sister!