Cusescoops- Syracuse offensive coordinator Brian White was humped by an English Bulldog during an exchange with a frustrated SU fan outside of the Wegmans in Dewitt. The incident occur ed when White was walking back to his car and was approached by a gentleman escorting the Bulldog. Witnesses stated that the man elevated the conversation and his dog started to hump Mr. Whites leg. “All I saw was the Bulldog grab his leg and go to town,” Mary Sullivan of Cazenovia stated.
The alleged fan, Mark Mcdonough, 27, of East Syracuse was questioned by local police and stated that his bulldog “humps everything, especially inept offensive coordinators.”
Fire Lloyd Carr.com To Stick Around In Case Carr Gets Another Job
ANN ARBOR, MI–The creators of the website Fire Lloyd Carr.com, dedicated to the removal of Lloyd Carr from the head coaching position at Michigan, have decided to stick around in case Carr gets another job.
“We’re going to keep the site up and hold onto that domain name,” said Michigan alum Brian McGregor, the site’s webmaster. “Obviously it looks like we’ve accomplished our mission, but that’s no reason to close up shop now. There’s still the possibility of him getting another job, at which point we’d want to start campaigning for him to get fired again. See, we don’t want him coaching for anyone ever again.”
. “Of course, this is all in good fun,” he added. “For us.”
Black Person Finds Himself Defending Dog Fighting
KANSAS CITY, MO–Leonard Mitchell, a 36-year-old African-American, found himself defending dog fighting yesterday when three of his co-workers at Northwestern Mutual began viciously attacking Falcons QB Michael Vick. “What do you know anyway, Claire?” Mitchell said to his co-worker. “You’ve never been to a dog fight, you don’t know what goes on, and furthermore, you can’t understand the kind of culture that Mike Vick was raised in. Just because you can’t relate to it doesn’t mean you should condemn it, especially when you don’t know all the facts.” Afterward, Mitchell was surprised by his outburst. “Wow, I can’t believe I just defended dog fighting,” he said, shaking. “I think dog fighting is gross. I guess I just got tired of hearing those middle-aged, Lifetime-watching bitches criticize a brother when they haven’t even walked in his shoes. Oh well I guess I should apologize now. We’re having a cake later for Janice and I don’t want it to be all awkward.”
Lance Briggs Totally Forgot He Smashed His Lamborghini Into Light Pole
CHICAGO–Bears linebacker Lance Briggs was charged with leaving the scene of an accident yesterday after he smashed his Lamborghini into a light pole on the north side of Chicago at around 3:30 a.m. and left it there. Briggs never reported the incident to police, admitting that he just “totally forgot.” “Whoa, I totally forgot about that,” Briggs said yesterday. “I don’t even…wait, I left it in the road? A Lamborghini? Let’s see here: I went out to dinner, then I went to the club, then I left at closing time, then I was driving around and…yea, I hit a pole and left my car there! Duh! What was I thinking? I guess I just woke up this morning with a lot on my mind and forgot about it. Man, there must be something wrong with me. That reminds me, I wonder what happened to that Ferrari I bought last year?”
All from our great friends at the Brushback.com